marriage counseling 101...

We decided that the only option for us was to attend marriage counseling. We then had the dilemma of finding a counselor. We had no idea how to approach the idea of even searching for one, do we google it, do we get the phone book out and start looking diligently? So, unbeknown to me, Bryan had talked to his BFF about our situation and he recommended a pastor that specializes in Christian marriage counseling. Bryan has this thing where he feels it is my responsibility to call and make doctor appointments, talk to people on the phone, that he is somehow incapable. So, he relays this information to me and says, here, you need to call and schedule an appointment. I look at him with hatred in my eyes and squint and grit my teeth and reply with, " This is all your fault, I am not calling, you can call or forget about the whole thing." He called. We had our first appointment the next Tuesday at 4:00 pm. I work on Tuesdays and I am off at 2:00 pm everyday, I left work and came home looking for an excuse not to go. When nothing presented itself as a way out, I sucked it up and we traveled the quick 5 minute trip across town. We rode in silence and before going into the church, I looked at Bryan and said, " I hope you don't think that just because this is 'christian marriage counseling' that I am going to hold back, because I will not!" And with that we entered the church. I had never met the pastor at this church before and was nervous, just because I am not a fan of meeting new people. I am shy. (my shyness does not count to those of you who know me already! :) ) He introduced himself and led us into his office, where there were two chairs sitting side by side in front of his long rectangle wooden desk. He asked what our problems were and I filled him in.....3 days later after going down my checklist...okay, maybe it wasn't 3 days, but after going through my issues, he turned to Bryan and asked what his issues were and he replies with..."she is mean to me." Okay, let me fill you in on a little secret, I have an anger issue, slightly. When you hurt me in some way or another I will find a way to hurt you back, 10 times worse than you hurt me. When you make me mad, I will put you into a rage of fury. Therefore, I have to admit that since Bryan had broken his trust with me, I was not the most pleasant woman to be around...I was extremely mean to him, I would yell and scream at him, call him names, curse at him and avoid all physical contact all together as well as I refused to tell him that i loved him, and when he would say it to me, I told him not to say it, because if he "loved" me, why did he do what he did? This were not things I did to him one time while we were fighting, this had become a daily way for me to treat him. This is not something I am not proud of, but we all make mistakes and I was forgiven and continue to be forgiven. So, after Bryan tries pulling the *sniff, sniff, she is mean to me card, I control my evil laugh and proceed to look him square in the eyes and say that it is his fault I treat him the way I do! Bryan and I continued with our banter that had become routine for us and finally we were interrupted by the counselor. I remember thinking...phew I forgot where we were for a minute, good thing I watched my mouth, ha ha. He recapped our little issue and you could see the fear in his eyes when he turned to me and said, "you are very angry with Bryan, is that correct?" I then replied with, "you could say that." He didn't have to say anything, but I could see it on his face...he was thinking, this girl is a little spitfire and I have my work cut out for me on this one...