money in the bank...

I knew that I had inflicted pain onto those around me, and unfortunately I had inflicted pain onto the one closest to me, my husband. I had been hurt by him and the way I dealt with that was to hurt him in return. Little did I know, I was not only hurting him, I was hurting my children as well. I had become a hateful spiteful person and looking back now, I realize that I was being selfish. I had every right to be angry and hurt after the situation with Bryan, however, I was not dealing with my own issues of handling the situation. I did the only thing I knew would help me...I dropped to my knees and gave my problems to Him, I asked for His help and begged for forgiveness. I wanted my family back and knew in my heart that I had to forgive so that I could do my part to begin the healing process. I once heard that marriage is like a piggy bank, for every good thing that happens, you put in a penny and for every bad thing that happens you take out a dollar. I was on a mission to put my piggy bank in the black! Surrendering to Him was only the beginning, I still had to do the leg work and Bryan was doing his part by showing me he wanted our piggy bank full of pennies. I felt a sense of peace and love fall upon my heart and knew that I had been healed from the pain I had endured. We did our weekly assignments from marriage counseling and continued to grow as a married couple. We made new rules and boundaries as a couple and began to fall in love all over again. The next step I had to take was to make amends to the wonderful gifts God had blessed me with, my children. Bailey and Brendan had seen me cry, scream and wake up with anger written all over my face. I had came home from work one day, only to discover that I had left my cell phone at work. I made it home and my boss had text Bryan had told him my phone was at work, so I asked the boys to ride with me. I stopped at a local gas station, and let them get a cold drink and a snack. We climbed into the jeep and they buckled and began snacking and chatting away. I readjusted my rearview mirror to see their heart warming little faces with rosy red chubby cheeks (they get that from me). I told them to listen to me, I had something important to tell them. They looked at each other and Bailey says, " uh oh, Bren-Bren, we are in trouble." My heart sank and I fought back the tears and simply told them I love them and I was sorry for being mean, I was sorry for fighting with Daddy, and I was sorry I hurt them in any way I did. They smiled and said, "is that it?" I laughed asked if they forgave me and the smiles on their faces and the sparkle in their eyes gave me my answer. I then concluded that if the world could be as forgiving and understanding as the two beautiful boys riding in my backseat could be, it would definitely be a better place. So, not only did surrendering to Him get me my marriage back on the right track, it got me back in my baby boys' graces and those two places are at the top of my list. The next milestone I faced was addiction...